Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
