i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
