I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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