so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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