don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
