i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
