just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
