so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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