C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
