Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
