im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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