Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
