Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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