ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
