I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
