Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
