i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
