Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
