you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
