Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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