The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Randomize
