ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
