if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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