I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
