i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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