Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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