Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
