I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
