Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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