Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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