So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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