Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
