I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
