We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
