i permit you to call me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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