What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
