I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize