My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize