the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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