i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
