the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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