I just pynch a tree in the face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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