Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
