I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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