Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
