Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the day after is always just damage control
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
