I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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