my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
