I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
