dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
