did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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