We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
