i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
