Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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