Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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