I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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