I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
