I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
