you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
