Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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