I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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