So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize