I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Watching her eat just hurts me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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