i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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