i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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