In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
