Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
