You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
