Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
