Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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