we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
