I smell stomach acid.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
