In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
