2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize