when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
