After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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