Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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