the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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