What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
