Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
