im about as happy as oj after his trial
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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