i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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