I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're like the curious george of whores
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
