nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
