So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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