when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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