hotel room ftw
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
