It's like God shit irony all over that family
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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