i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize