My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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