she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
