dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
