Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
