So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
