so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
