$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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