I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
