What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
