hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize