I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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