Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
