hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
