Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
