I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
