guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and she was petting her beer can
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
