I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
