so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to make out with him forever
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
