I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have already put on my inside pants.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
