I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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