I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
